Whoaoooo, WhoaWhoaWhoaoooo, Whoaoooo, WhoaWhoaWhoaoooo If ya see a blue flag hangin’ from my left pocket it means I’ll fuck all your holes If an orange flag hangs down from my right pocket it means that anything goes And that’s called the handkerchief code The boys out in Frisco town had a problem back in the day There was no way to identify who was straight and who was a gay It was hard to find an acceptable mate and to find out what they liked It was hard to differentiate between a queen and a spiky haired *&@$ Then one day an idea came that quickly changed the game A nautical %!@ saw a nautical flag and gay sex was never the same Yeah the boys out in Frisco town took a tip from the sailors at sea They’d hang a flag down from their ass to communicate secretively If ya see a black flag hanging from my left pocket it means that I’ll beat you up If a red flag hangs down from my right pocket you can shove your fist up my butt And that’s called the handkerchief code Now instead of shapes and instead of bars, colored hankies would duly report If you liked to be ridden dry or if you like water sports The pocket you chose would indicate if you bottom or you top And the pocket you chose would indicate If you’re allowed to say stop Oh the boys out in Frisco town were surely now in luck The hanky code had made it clear just who was ready to fuck And if a blue flag hangs down from the left, your asshole was probably tight But if that same flag hangs down from the right, your asshole won’t put up a fight No your asshole won’t put up a fight If ya see a gray flag hangin’ from my left pocket, it means that I’ll tie you up If green flag hangs down from my right pocket, you can gladly pay me to fuck And that’s called the handkerchief code. If ya see a brown flag hangin’ from my left pocket, it means you’ll eat all my shit If a yellow flag hangs from my right pocket, then I’ll drink all of your piss And that’s called the handkerchief code Whoaoooo, WhoaWhoaWhoaoooo, Whoaoooo, WhoaWhoaWhoaoooo

Come along sailors and gather ‘round me I’ll teach you some words you can use out at sea If you be very quiet and listen up here You’ll notice these words all sound kinda queer Ferries & Tugboats Yard-arm & poop deck Shiver me timbers Pulpit & head First mate & Dinghy Backstay & bumpkin Going down, hawsehole Jackstaff & Jibb Porthole & Coxswain Raise the periscope Swab the deck & Open the hatch Popping the chute Flood the torpedo tube Coming about Sea-cock & sextant Grinder & Scuttlebutt Futtock & Bulkhead Foreguy & Aftguy Baggy wrinkle & Screw Now that you’ve learned all of my Sea Words We just might make a Seamen outta you

The Hudson's Bay Company runs ships in the summertime, To stock the stores of Labrador and fill ‘em full for the wintertime, Our ship set sail from Old Detroit, bound for Newfoundland, Where I was hoping to get off but I should’ve used my hand Chorus: Cuz they’ve got One Whore in Labrador - all you hear is: "Stay away", For she’s been humped by every chump from Jack Lane's Way to Broomfield Bay, She’s got saggy tits, breeding hips, and a fire down below, You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go. She has a pussy that won’t lubricate yet the world's wettest asshole, And when you shove it up her butt, she likes to quote the Bible, She’s been open wide, reaming through the tide, and she’s launched 1000 cocks, & if you only fuck her mouth Ya might not catch the pox. She’s got whips & chains and fuzzy things And pills to make you last But if you mention her peg leg, she’ll peg it right up your ass Her pussy smells like an old mudflat, after the tide’s gone out And when it barps out what’s inside, you’ll throw up in your mouth Cuz they’ve got 1 Whore in Labrador - all you hear is: "Stay away", For she’s drained the cum of every chum from Jack Lane's Way to Broomfield Bay, She’s got wooden teeth, stinky queefs, and a dry dock down below, You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go. The tide came in, so I did too, and I went to pay her fee Saying: "I’m a horny sailing man with the Hudson's Bay Company", She took out her teeth and did undress But she kept on her eye patch She then pulled out a church key and wiped it up her snatch She said “My boy, hope you don’t mind but have to scrub the deck For I’ve been fucked a dozen times and it’s only just a half past ten. See I’m the only whore in town, and my cunt’s full up with goo Just let me wash a little out…( and then This Bud’s for you!” Cuz they’ve got One Whore in Labrador - all you hear is: "Stay away", For she’s been banged by every gang from Jack Lane's Way to Broomfield Bay, She’s got a 3 inch clit, some pussy zits, and a red flag down below, You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go. You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go.

It's a damn fucked life full of toil and strife we headmen undergo And it gets worse when the voyage is cursed and hard winds do blow We were homeward bound from the Arctic ground with a good ship, better than most But the ship went down when we ran aground On the Isle of Lesbos Ran aground in Old Lesbos, me boys, Ran aground in Old Lesbos We were homeward bound but we ran aground On the Isle of Lesbos When we debarked, the night was dark and we all swam for land As the waves did breach we made the beach and rested on the sand As daylight came it became plain from signs along the coast No men’re allowed upon the ground of the Isle of Lesbos Not allowed in Old Lesbos, me boys, Not allowed in Old Lesbos Oh they signs they said, there’s no place for men On the Isle of Lesbos Three maidens came to inspect our gang, in Subaru's they did ride With hair in their pits and bra-less tits for they had no use for guys Our first mate was quick with his pervy wit and asked if he could stand watch As we gazed upon their husky thighs that did frame a hairy crotch No razors in Old Lesbos, me boys, No razors in Old Lesbos There’s no urinals, just a bunch of girls On the Isle of Lesbos As they advanced, we stood no chance, so prisoners we became We all did hope they’d take us home and punish us by gang bang But we were placed in a cage and tortured for days with nothing to do but cry As they all played golf, walked their dogs, and ate out at the Y Can’t get off in Old Lesbos, me boys, Can’t get off in Old Lesbos Let death come soon for we’ll get no poon, On the Isle of Lesbos We were starving to death while gazing at breasts, and the days were so long We kept offering dick, but they’d take none of it, satisfied with strap-ons With death coming near, I let go’a fear and reflected on my life And the the last thing I saw was a big butch @#&$ going down on her wife Going down in Old Lesbos, me boys, Going down in Old Lesbos We ran aground now I’m six feet down, On the Isle of Lesbos Ran aground in Old Lesbos, me boys, Ran aground in Old Lesbos We were homeward bound but we ran aground, On the Isle of Lesbos

I said to my wife one day Why don't we sail away Take a trip on a cruise ship And head the Caribbean’s way All the while I had plan While in that tropic land To swap my wife for the wife Of a like minded man Oh the Virgin Islands had to change their name When I was through I went to sea in search of fun and hedonism, too So then we booked a cruise I had nothing to lose I was hoping for some strange To chase away my blues When we climbed aboard The ship was loaded up with whores I couldn’t wait to cum On Jamaican shores All along the way I was dropping subtle hints I told my wife to drink more wine And freely bare her tits I asked if she recalled Our sex life when we were young Then I'd point at a dude’s swimming trunks And say “boy, he sure looks hung” The Virgin Islands had to change their name When I was through I went to sea in search of fun and hedonism, too One night at the hotel bar I couldn't believe my luck We met a sexy lady Who was married to a cuck I popped a few Viagra A few Cialis too And I ate dozen oysters To fully get in the mood That night we had a ball I put my cock in every hole But then 4 hours later My cock still was quite swole Now the doctor says “castration” Should have stuck to masturbation I finally got to swing And broke my cock while on vacation The Virgin Islands had to change their name When I was through I went to sea in search of fun and hedonism, too (2x)

After a trans-Atlantic Cruise, I went upon a spree Me money alas I spent it fast, got drunk as drunk could be And when me money was all gone on liquor and the whores, I made up me mind that I was inclined to go to sea no more No more, no more To go to sea no more I made up me mind that I was inclined to go to sea no more Then I was walking down the street & I met sweet Ange-line She said: ”come home with me, me lad, and we’ll have a fucking time” But when I awoke after giving a poke, I found I was all alone, My silver watch & me money too and my whole bloody cock was gone Was gone, was gone My whole bloody cock was gone It was when I awoke after giving a poke, my whole bloody cock was gone I located my cock and I staggered in shock to find crazy Doctor Brown I asked if he could make me whole and he looked me up & down, He said: “I’m afraid but the way you’ve been flayed, it won’t be just like before I can hollow the spout and turn it inside out but you’ll be a man no more” No more, no more You’ll be a man no more A girly you’ll be & you’ll sit down to pee, you’ll be a man no more He laid me upon his table, my blood was running cold He stitched away for hours on end to craft my pussy folds And when the final stitch was set I loudly made a grunt For I was the first lad in the world to have a lady’s cunt A cunt, a cunt I have lady’s cunt Now I was the first lad in the world to have a lady’s cunt Come all you seafaring lads that listen to me song When you go a-big boating, boys make sure to protect your dong You take my tip when you come off a trip don’t fuck with any whores Settle down and be wed, keep your cock instead, then go off to sea once more Once more, once more Go off to sea once more Hear my song and protect your schlong then go to sea once more A cunt, a cunt I have lady’s cunt Oh I am the first lad in the world to have a lady’s cunt

When you’ve searched all over the earth for a man who has enough girth I’ll tell you, for what it’s worth, I’m a wide American You know I’m not like other guys. I wanna stick it in between your thighs And in your moms and your apple pies I’m a wide American You won’t believe what you just saw And it just might break your jaw When I stick this in your craw I’m a wide American I’m not saying my dick ain’t long But that’s a totally different song On your knees, you can’t go wrong With a wide American Take a sip of an American fifth Sit on top of some American width I’ll rearrange your insides Did I mention my dick is wide? Pour me out some Astroglide I’m a wide American Climb upon my mountain peak You won’t shit right for a week Now turn the other cheek I’m a wide American When I don’t come home And you start to feel so alone Just sit down on a traffic cone Like a wide American If you’re going back for round three And your cunt’s as wide as can be Aren’t you glad you slept with me? I'm a wide American I’m not saying that it won’t hurt It can’t be worse than giving birth You wanted it all inside Then it hurt and then you cried Well, hey at least you tried With a wide American I’m sorry that I made you cry But don’t blame me, my dick’s just wide...wide...wide...wiiiiiiiiiide I'm a Wide American (2x)

There’s a place I know South of the keys A little bump of rock Poking out of the sea It’s my happy place Where there ain’t no snow Where I can waste away With my friends, yay yo Coco Cay It’s alright by me A little dusty place out in the sea So Lift me up Blow my troubles away C’mon & line me up a little Coco Cay When it comes to finding fun Some say I have the nose. Candy drinks are on my mind So line ‘em up in rows And I won’t flake Buddy, as sure as you're born I’m gonna drink ‘em with a straw And then I’ll toot my horn Coco Cay It’s alright by me A little dusty place out in the sea So Lift me up Blow my troubles away C’mon & line me up a little Coco Cay I just need to take a long vacation If I don’t get one soon, Baby I might crack Lately I’ve been feelin’ behind the 8 ball So let’s pack a bag...and fly away Max out my credit cards And spare no expense So we can talk all night And make some empty plans Peruse the bar Cut some fruit for cocktails Step on the gas We’re going off the rails Oh baby, Step on the gas We’re going off the rails Bust out the cocaine And let's sniff come rails

This is a song about vacation, a vacation without need for masturbation. About a good lookin’ man off in foreign lands, with appetite for fornication, who enjoys a good rendezvous and his tastes run a little taboo, so take off your pants, let’s have dance ‘cause this tango takes more than 2 At chateau in old Versailles, I met a girl and a guy We started to drink then I started to think We should go home together that night The wine continued to flow And then the next thing you know She had one in her cunt and one in her butt That we’d loosened up with some Bordeaux Bon voyage, Say fromage We’re sailing into ooh la la Ju veux te bai-ser with your friend over there On a voyage a trois At cafe in Gay Paree I met Francois & Marie We fucked for an hour, made our own Eiffel Tower And I sucked his dick accident-ly Now I was so confused I’d never sucked off any dudes But they both had small tits and hairy armpits And acted incredibly rude Bon voyage, Say fromage We’re sailing into ooh la la Ju veux te bai-ser with your friend over there On a voyage a trois 2 Lesbians at a bar in Quebec Offered to pick up the cheque If with them I’d go home & give them a bone For they suffered from wiener neglect I was drowning in buttcheeks Drained my balls in both Nordiques They tapped out my dong then strapped on strap-ons And made an Eiffel Tower of me Bon voyage, Say fromage We’re sailing into ooh la la Ju veux te bai-ser with your friend over there On a voyage a trois Bon voyage, Say fromage Sus my pin, je nais se qua Ni-que ta mère Va te faire en-cu-ler! On a voyage a trois

It’s a tale as old as time The story’s yours, the story’s mine It’s not clear if it’s the truth But it’s the wurst one from our youth Oh we’ve all got our own take And brother please let me frank Furthermore I’ll take a shot With story that’s red-hot This is a song about the girl from your high school… That stuck a hot dog up’er pussy Oh the facts are clear as mud Did it break or was it lost? Was it frozen, was it thawed? Did her mom use the salad tongs? And was she the only one Or did 10 girls get their fun By sticking wieners in their cunts Instead of steaming a bun This is a song about the girl from your high school… That stuck a hot dog up’er pussy Did she go to the ER? By ambulance or by car? Did she even miss a class? Did they fish it out of her ass? Was it day or was it dark? Am I even I’m the ball park. Did her brother scarf it down Because she left it laying around? This is a song about the girl from your high school… That stuck a hot dog up’er pussy

Oh the catholic girls all say That there can be no way For them to engage in sex before their wedding day But girls I must convey That we all can play For there’s another route to take if you can take a little pain It’s the loophole I’m talking ‘bout your poophole You can wait to pop your cherry til the night that you are married That’s the loophole Just stick it in your poophole You can keep your maidenhead if you use your ass instead It’s my case that I’ll defend If disbelief you can suspend That your body cannot be befouled if it’s in your bottom end Just give your waist a bend Grit your teeth and then pretend That even the Pope himself would bless you buttfucking your friends It’s the loophole I’m talking ‘bout your poophole You can fuck a bunch of cocks so long as you use your buttocks That’s the loophole Just slide it in your poophole You can keep your maidenhead if you use your ass instead Now take it slow, don’t take fast Pump the brakes and not the gas You’ve gotta warm that engine up or you’re headed for a crash Let your booty just relax Add a lubrication splash Hell, even Jesus’s mother went to town upon an ass It’s the loophole I’m talking ‘bout your poophole God don’t seem to care if it’s in your derrière That’s the loophole Just shove it in your poophole You can keep your maidenhead if you use your ass instead What a loophole Just run it up your poophole Baby God will understand if put it in your can That’s the loophole Just run it up your poophole You can keep your maidenhead if you use your ass instead That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole A little sodomy doesn’t negate virginity That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole It’s no coinkidinky, you’ll stay clean if you get stinky That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole You can keep your virgin vows if the cum goes in your bowels That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole By the rules you can abide if you poke out your brown eye That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole If you don’t want to break the rule-o stick the boner in your culo That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole The good lord wouldn’t smite her if she used her angry spider That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole You can keep a perfect twat if you use your balloon knot That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole The pearly gates won’t shut if you’re fuckin’ in da butt That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole No reason to abstain if you’re cool with making stains That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole The sins, you won’t collect ‘em if the dick is in your rectum That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole Baby god don’t give shit if you put it where you sit That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole God would never blame us for some fucking in the anus That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole Jesus thinks it’s cool if you’re pushing in your stool That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole Heaven lets you roll in if you just fuck in the colon That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole You priest won’t give a crap if you dirty your mud flaps That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole Heaven’s waiting for your soul if you only use bunghole That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole No need to call a priest, her man is in her kiester That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole No reputation damage if you sail the windward passage That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole St. Peter’ll still allow her if just her rosebud is deflowered That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole Even if you’re orthodox you can fuck the fart box That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole You’re just gonna have to trust me you can fuck in the shit pussy That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole You’ll get into heaven’s gates, just drive the Hershey Interstate That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole Jesus won’t forsake her if she uses her log maker That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole Gods ok with chocolate so just fuck your prison wallet That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole You can make your first communion if you’re fuckin where you’re pooin’ That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole You’ll still meet the great redeemer if you cause a Cleveland Steamer That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole I have to mention, by the the way, this don’t apply a if you’re a gay That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole If you went catechism fill your butthole with some jism That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole Say your prayers & genuflect then fuck a butt when you’re erect That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole Now I’m all done with rhymin’ but you still got your hymen That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole You can keep your maidenhead if you use your ass instead

This bar is new and so are you, so I'll gladly fill you in I've had plenty of tabs and poon like Ahab, my fiery dart of sin I've heard it all, I've done even worse, i drink but I'm never full Plenty of ales lead to plenty of tales in some dirty watering hole Harvery Wallbanger caught a case of stankfanger in a room with a red-headed slut. When it was done, he said “Boys, it was fun”, but I prefer banging studs in their butts. Harv gets behind any stud he can find. He hammers and pounds for days. Call out for more, he’ll tongue and groove the back door, double hung and swinging both ways. Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night My ex-fuck Tess works in the mess serving drinks but boys always want more. She says life was far simpler when it was slippery nipples, now my blowjobs are all they ask for. If not one, then it’s ten, then it’s hundreds of mine lined up in front of the bar She’ll service each man as fast as she can then they stick their tip in her jar. Good news from the crew on the Tullamore Dew. A man named Richard now captains their ship. They call him Whiskey Dick, ‘cause he’s soft, but a prick, yet he maintains a stiff upper lip When attempting to fill yours, it’s like playing billiards with a length of rope So the crew has to milk him by way of his rectum Now they call that a Tullamore Don’t. Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night Shirley Temple was hot so I gave her a shot, though in years you could say she was late. I fucked her Grey Goose but it shook her soul loose. That was our expiration date. My brass monkey was urgin’ for I hear she was virgin. Spritely, wet, and sweet. Well I gave her a taste but it wasn’t the case. I found her as stiff as could be. Did you know the sweat from Dolly’s breasts is said to be called Mountain Dew? Though I prefer Coke, I still gave them a poke and found that the legend was true. Her jugs were all sticky and covered in hickies with a tattoo that read “Porter was here” With a syrupy hand she expressed my swollen gland. Now they call that a soda jerk. Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night You know Gar likes Malort when he’s out of port carousing with his favorite whore. A snifter a day of her rosy bouquet helps to clean up his pours. And on has no class, that terrible ass, his favorite drink represents him. Zug Island iced tea, as fresh as can be, garnished with a pube on the rim. The worst of the bunch is what Rod does for lunch, three olives straight up his ass. With his south mouth, he wolfs it all down, then takes a shit in the glass. Now cleaning the head, is a job it is said, and a shittier job you won't find You can work all day, removing the stains, but you'll never stop getting behind. Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night I schanpped at your peach. We had sex on the beach. I drank down all your squirt. Your ocean spray ran down my face, wet like a child after birth. I licked your fuzzy navel under the table. Put a screwdriver up in your cunt. Then I sucked it out neat, like a pup at a teat, as you expelled it with relish and spunk. Now the clock has stuck 2, the last call has come through, and this watering hole is closed Chug down some ale as we laugh and regale While pausing to powder our nose So drink up me hearties, it’s the end of the party But the real fun’s about to begin It’s adios, motherfucker. Bend over and pucker, for we won’t be coming again. Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night