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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of New Directions, War On Christmas, A Sail of Two Titties, Sea Words (Live at the Salty Dog), and The Ballad of the Captains of the Head.
1. |
New Directions
02:44
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2. |
The Handkerchief Code
04:00
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Whoaoooo, WhoaWhoaWhoaoooo, Whoaoooo, WhoaWhoaWhoaoooo
If ya see a blue flag hangin’ from my left pocket
it means I’ll fuck all your holes
If an orange flag hangs down from my right pocket
it means that anything goes
And that’s called the handkerchief code
The boys out in Frisco town
had a problem back in the day
There was no way to identify
who was straight and who was a gay
It was hard to find an acceptable mate
and to find out what they liked
It was hard to differentiate
between a queen and a spiky haired *&@$
Then one day an idea came
that quickly changed the game
A nautical %!@ saw a nautical flag
and gay sex was never the same
Yeah the boys out in Frisco town
took a tip from the sailors at sea
They’d hang a flag down from their ass
to communicate secretively
If ya see a black flag hanging from my left pocket
it means that I’ll beat you up
If a red flag hangs down from my right pocket
you can shove your fist up my butt
And that’s called the handkerchief code
Now instead of shapes and instead of bars,
colored hankies would duly report
If you liked to be ridden dry
or if you like water sports
The pocket you chose would indicate
if you bottom or you top
And the pocket you chose would indicate
If you’re allowed to say stop
Oh the boys out in Frisco town
were surely now in luck
The hanky code had made it clear
just who was ready to fuck
And if a blue flag hangs down from the left,
your asshole was probably tight
But if that same flag hangs down from the right,
your asshole won’t put up a fight
No your asshole won’t put up a fight
If ya see a gray flag hangin’ from my left pocket,
it means that I’ll tie you up
If green flag hangs down from my right pocket,
you can gladly pay me to fuck
And that’s called the handkerchief code.
If ya see a brown flag hangin’ from my left pocket,
it means you’ll eat all my shit
If a yellow flag hangs from my right pocket,
then I’ll drink all of your piss
And that’s called the handkerchief code
Whoaoooo, WhoaWhoaWhoaoooo, Whoaoooo, WhoaWhoaWhoaoooo
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3. |
Sea Words
01:35
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Come along sailors and gather ‘round me
I’ll teach you some words you can use out at sea
If you be very quiet and listen up here
You’ll notice these words all sound kinda queer
Ferries & Tugboats
Yard-arm & poop deck
Shiver me timbers
Pulpit & head
First mate & Dinghy
Backstay & bumpkin
Going down, hawsehole
Jackstaff & Jibb
Porthole & Coxswain
Raise the periscope
Swab the deck &
Open the hatch
Popping the chute
Flood the torpedo tube
Coming about
Sea-cock & sextant
Grinder & Scuttlebutt
Futtock & Bulkhead
Foreguy & Aftguy
Baggy wrinkle & Screw
Now that you’ve learned all of my Sea Words
We just might make a Seamen outta you
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4. |
Calling Dick
01:22
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5. |
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The Hudson's Bay Company runs ships in the summertime,
To stock the stores of Labrador
and fill ‘em full for the wintertime,
Our ship set sail from Old Detroit, bound for Newfoundland,
Where I was hoping to get off but I should’ve used my hand
Chorus:
Cuz they’ve got One Whore in Labrador - all you hear is: "Stay away",
For she’s been humped by every chump
from Jack Lane's Way to Broomfield Bay,
She’s got saggy tits, breeding hips, and a fire down below,
You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go.
She has a pussy that won’t lubricate yet the world's wettest asshole,
And when you shove it up her butt, she likes to quote the Bible,
She’s been open wide, reaming through the tide, and she’s launched 1000 cocks,
& if you only fuck her mouth
Ya might not catch the pox.
She’s got whips & chains and fuzzy things
And pills to make you last
But if you mention her peg leg, she’ll peg it right up your ass
Her pussy smells like an old mudflat, after the tide’s gone out
And when it barps out what’s inside, you’ll throw up in your mouth
Cuz they’ve got 1 Whore in Labrador - all you hear is: "Stay away",
For she’s drained the cum of every chum
from Jack Lane's Way to Broomfield Bay,
She’s got wooden teeth, stinky queefs, and a dry dock down below,
You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go.
The tide came in, so I did too, and I went to pay her fee
Saying: "I’m a horny sailing man with the Hudson's Bay Company",
She took out her teeth and did undress
But she kept on her eye patch
She then pulled out a church key and wiped it up her snatch
She said “My boy, hope you don’t mind but have to scrub the deck
For I’ve been fucked a dozen times and it’s only just a half past ten.
See I’m the only whore in town, and my cunt’s full up with goo
Just let me wash a little out…(
and then This Bud’s for you!”
Cuz they’ve got One Whore in Labrador - all you hear is: "Stay away",
For she’s been banged by every gang
from Jack Lane's Way to Broomfield Bay,
She’s got a 3 inch clit, some pussy zits, and a red flag down below,
You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go.
You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go.
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6. |
Son of New Directions
00:49
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7. |
Isle of Lesbos
04:49
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It's a damn fucked life full of toil and strife we headmen undergo
And it gets worse when the voyage is cursed and hard winds do blow
We were homeward bound from the Arctic ground with a good ship, better than most
But the ship went down when we ran aground On the Isle of Lesbos
Ran aground in Old Lesbos, me boys,
Ran aground in Old Lesbos
We were homeward bound but we ran aground
On the Isle of Lesbos
When we debarked, the night was dark and we all swam for land
As the waves did breach we made the beach and rested on the sand
As daylight came it became plain from signs along the coast
No men’re allowed upon the ground of the Isle of Lesbos
Not allowed in Old Lesbos, me boys,
Not allowed in Old Lesbos
Oh they signs they said, there’s no place for men
On the Isle of Lesbos
Three maidens came to inspect our gang, in Subaru's they did ride
With hair in their pits and bra-less tits for they had no use for guys
Our first mate was quick with his pervy wit and asked if he could stand watch
As we gazed upon their husky thighs that did frame a hairy crotch
No razors in Old Lesbos, me boys,
No razors in Old Lesbos
There’s no urinals, just a bunch of girls
On the Isle of Lesbos
As they advanced, we stood no chance, so prisoners we became
We all did hope they’d take us home and punish us by gang bang
But we were placed in a cage and tortured for days with nothing to do but cry
As they all played golf, walked their dogs, and ate out at the Y
Can’t get off in Old Lesbos, me boys,
Can’t get off in Old Lesbos
Let death come soon for we’ll get no poon,
On the Isle of Lesbos
We were starving to death while gazing at breasts, and the days were so long
We kept offering dick, but they’d take none of it, satisfied with strap-ons
With death coming near, I let go’a fear and reflected on my life
And the the last thing I saw was a big butch @#&$ going down on her wife
Going down in Old Lesbos, me boys,
Going down in Old Lesbos
We ran aground now I’m six feet down,
On the Isle of Lesbos
Ran aground in Old Lesbos, me boys,
Ran aground in Old Lesbos
We were homeward bound but we ran aground,
On the Isle of Lesbos
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8. |
Hedonism, Too
02:23
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I said to my wife one day
Why don't we sail away
Take a trip on a cruise ship
And head the Caribbean’s way
All the while I had plan
While in that tropic land
To swap my wife for the wife
Of a like minded man
Oh the Virgin Islands had to change their name
When I was through
I went to sea in search of fun and hedonism, too
So then we booked a cruise
I had nothing to lose
I was hoping for some strange
To chase away my blues
When we climbed aboard
The ship was loaded up with whores
I couldn’t wait to cum
On Jamaican shores
All along the way
I was dropping subtle hints
I told my wife to drink more wine
And freely bare her tits
I asked if she recalled
Our sex life when we were young
Then I'd point at a dude’s swimming trunks
And say “boy, he sure looks hung”
The Virgin Islands had to change their name
When I was through
I went to sea in search of fun and hedonism, too
One night at the hotel bar
I couldn't believe my luck
We met a sexy lady
Who was married to a cuck
I popped a few Viagra
A few Cialis too
And I ate dozen oysters
To fully get in the mood
That night we had a ball
I put my cock in every hole
But then 4 hours later
My cock still was quite swole
Now the doctor says “castration”
Should have stuck to masturbation
I finally got to swing
And broke my cock while on vacation
The Virgin Islands had to change their name
When I was through
I went to sea in search of fun and hedonism, too (2x)
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9. |
A Minor Key
00:39
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10. |
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After a trans-Atlantic Cruise, I went upon a spree
Me money alas I spent it fast, got drunk as drunk could be
And when me money was all gone on liquor and the whores,
I made up me mind that I was inclined to go to sea no more
No more, no more
To go to sea no more
I made up me mind that I was inclined to go to sea no more
Then I was walking down the street & I met sweet Ange-line
She said: ”come home with me, me lad, and we’ll have a fucking time”
But when I awoke after giving a poke, I found I was all alone,
My silver watch & me money too and my whole bloody cock was gone
Was gone, was gone
My whole bloody cock was gone
It was when I awoke after giving a poke, my whole bloody cock was gone
I located my cock and I staggered in shock to find crazy Doctor Brown
I asked if he could make me whole and he looked me up & down,
He said: “I’m afraid but the way you’ve been flayed, it won’t be just like before
I can hollow the spout and turn it inside out but you’ll be a man no more”
No more, no more
You’ll be a man no more
A girly you’ll be & you’ll sit down to pee, you’ll be a man no more
He laid me upon his table, my blood was running cold
He stitched away for hours on end to craft my pussy folds
And when the final stitch was set I loudly made a grunt
For I was the first lad in the world to have a lady’s cunt
A cunt, a cunt
I have lady’s cunt
Now I was the first lad in the world to have a lady’s cunt
Come all you seafaring lads that listen to me song
When you go a-big boating, boys make sure to protect your dong
You take my tip when you come off a trip don’t fuck with any whores
Settle down and be wed, keep your cock instead, then go off to sea once more
Once more, once more
Go off to sea once more
Hear my song and protect your schlong then go to sea once more
A cunt, a cunt
I have lady’s cunt
Oh I am the first lad in the world to have a lady’s cunt
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11. |
Wide American
02:45
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When you’ve searched all over the earth
for a man who has enough girth
I’ll tell you, for what it’s worth,
I’m a wide American
You know I’m not like other guys.
I wanna stick it in between your thighs
And in your moms and your apple pies
I’m a wide American
You won’t believe what you just saw
And it just might break your jaw
When I stick this in your craw
I’m a wide American
I’m not saying my dick ain’t long
But that’s a totally different song
On your knees, you can’t go wrong
With a wide American
Take a sip of an American fifth
Sit on top of some American width
I’ll rearrange your insides
Did I mention my dick is wide?
Pour me out some Astroglide
I’m a wide American
Climb upon my mountain peak
You won’t shit right for a week
Now turn the other cheek
I’m a wide American
When I don’t come home
And you start to feel so alone
Just sit down on a traffic cone
Like a wide American
If you’re going back for round three
And your cunt’s as wide as can be
Aren’t you glad you slept with me?
I'm a wide American
I’m not saying that it won’t hurt
It can’t be worse than giving birth
You wanted it all inside
Then it hurt and then you cried
Well, hey at least you tried
With a wide American
I’m sorry that I made you cry
But don’t blame me, my dick’s just wide...wide...wide...wiiiiiiiiiide
I'm a Wide American (2x)
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12. |
The H is Silent
01:20
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13. |
Coco Cay
02:59
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There’s a place I know
South of the keys
A little bump of rock
Poking out of the sea
It’s my happy place
Where there ain’t no snow
Where I can waste away
With my friends, yay yo
Coco Cay
It’s alright by me
A little dusty place out in the sea
So Lift me up
Blow my troubles away
C’mon & line me up a little Coco Cay
When it comes to finding fun
Some say I have the nose.
Candy drinks are on my mind
So line ‘em up in rows
And I won’t flake
Buddy, as sure as you're born
I’m gonna drink ‘em with a straw
And then I’ll toot my horn
Coco Cay
It’s alright by me
A little dusty place out in the sea
So Lift me up
Blow my troubles away
C’mon & line me up a little Coco Cay
I just need to take a long vacation
If I don’t get one soon, Baby I might crack
Lately I’ve been feelin’ behind the 8 ball
So let’s pack a bag...and fly away
Max out my credit cards
And spare no expense
So we can talk all night
And make some empty plans
Peruse the bar
Cut some fruit for cocktails
Step on the gas
We’re going off the rails
Oh baby, Step on the gas
We’re going off the rails
Bust out the cocaine
And let's sniff come rails
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14. |
Vóyage à Trois
03:18
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This is a song about vacation, a vacation without need for masturbation. About a good lookin’ man off in foreign lands, with appetite for fornication, who enjoys a good rendezvous and his tastes run a little taboo, so take off your pants, let’s have dance ‘cause this tango takes more than 2
At chateau in old Versailles,
I met a girl and a guy
We started to drink then I started to think
We should go home together that night
The wine continued to flow
And then the next thing you know
She had one in her cunt and one in her butt
That we’d loosened up with some Bordeaux
Bon voyage, Say fromage
We’re sailing into ooh la la
Ju veux te bai-ser with your friend over there
On a voyage a trois
At cafe in Gay Paree
I met Francois & Marie
We fucked for an hour, made our own Eiffel Tower
And I sucked his dick accident-ly
Now I was so confused
I’d never sucked off any dudes
But they both had small tits and hairy armpits
And acted incredibly rude
Bon voyage, Say fromage
We’re sailing into ooh la la
Ju veux te bai-ser with your friend over there
On a voyage a trois
2 Lesbians at a bar in Quebec
Offered to pick up the cheque
If with them I’d go home & give them a bone
For they suffered from wiener neglect
I was drowning in buttcheeks
Drained my balls in both Nordiques
They tapped out my dong then strapped on strap-ons
And made an Eiffel Tower of me
Bon voyage, Say fromage
We’re sailing into ooh la la
Ju veux te bai-ser with your friend over there
On a voyage a trois
Bon voyage, Say fromage
Sus my pin, je nais se qua
Ni-que ta mère
Va te faire en-cu-ler!
On a voyage a trois
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15. |
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16. |
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It’s a tale as old as time
The story’s yours, the story’s mine
It’s not clear if it’s the truth
But it’s the wurst one from our youth
Oh we’ve all got our own take
And brother please let me frank
Furthermore I’ll take a shot
With story that’s red-hot
This is a song about the girl from your high school…
That stuck a hot dog up’er pussy
Oh the facts are clear as mud
Did it break or was it lost?
Was it frozen, was it thawed?
Did her mom use the salad tongs?
And was she the only one
Or did 10 girls get their fun
By sticking wieners in their cunts
Instead of steaming a bun
This is a song about the girl from your high school…
That stuck a hot dog up’er pussy
Did she go to the ER?
By ambulance or by car?
Did she even miss a class?
Did they fish it out of her ass?
Was it day or was it dark?
Am I even I’m the ball park.
Did her brother scarf it down
Because she left it laying around?
This is a song about the girl from your high school…
That stuck a hot dog up’er pussy
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17. |
Keep Your Maidenhead
06:02
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Oh the catholic girls all say That there can be no way
For them to engage in sex before their wedding day
But girls I must convey That we all can play
For there’s another route to take if you can take a little pain
It’s the loophole I’m talking ‘bout your poophole
You can wait to pop your cherry til the night that you are married
That’s the loophole Just stick it in your poophole
You can keep your maidenhead if you use your ass instead
It’s my case that I’ll defend If disbelief you can suspend
That your body cannot be befouled if it’s in your bottom end
Just give your waist a bend Grit your teeth and then pretend
That even the Pope himself would bless you buttfucking your friends
It’s the loophole I’m talking ‘bout your poophole
You can fuck a bunch of cocks so long as you use your buttocks
That’s the loophole Just slide it in your poophole
You can keep your maidenhead if you use your ass instead
Now take it slow, don’t take fast Pump the brakes and not the gas
You’ve gotta warm that engine up or you’re headed for a crash
Let your booty just relax Add a lubrication splash
Hell, even Jesus’s mother went to town upon an ass
It’s the loophole I’m talking ‘bout your poophole
God don’t seem to care if it’s in your derrière
That’s the loophole Just shove it in your poophole
You can keep your maidenhead if you use your ass instead
What a loophole Just run it up your poophole
Baby God will understand if put it in your can
That’s the loophole Just run it up your poophole
You can keep your maidenhead if you use your ass instead
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
A little sodomy doesn’t negate virginity
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
It’s no coinkidinky, you’ll stay clean if you get stinky
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
You can keep your virgin vows if the cum goes in your bowels
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
By the rules you can abide if you poke out your brown eye
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
If you don’t want to break the rule-o stick the boner in your culo
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
The good lord wouldn’t smite her if she used her angry spider
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
You can keep a perfect twat if you use your balloon knot
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
The pearly gates won’t shut if you’re fuckin’ in da butt
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
No reason to abstain if you’re cool with making stains
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
The sins, you won’t collect ‘em if the dick is in your rectum
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
Baby god don’t give shit if you put it where you sit
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
God would never blame us for some fucking in the anus
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
Jesus thinks it’s cool if you’re pushing in your stool
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
Heaven lets you roll in if you just fuck in the colon
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
You priest won’t give a crap if you dirty your mud flaps
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
Heaven’s waiting for your soul if you only use bunghole
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
No need to call a priest, her man is in her kiester
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
No reputation damage if you sail the windward passage
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
St. Peter’ll still allow her if just her rosebud is deflowered
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
Even if you’re orthodox you can fuck the fart box
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
You’re just gonna have to trust me you can fuck in the shit pussy
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
You’ll get into heaven’s gates, just drive the Hershey Interstate
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
Jesus won’t forsake her if she uses her log maker
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
Gods ok with chocolate so just fuck your prison wallet
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
You can make your first communion if you’re fuckin where you’re pooin’
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
You’ll still meet the great redeemer if you cause a Cleveland Steamer
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
I have to mention, by the the way, this don’t apply a if you’re a gay
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
If you went catechism fill your butthole with some jism
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
Say your prayers & genuflect then fuck a butt when you’re erect
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
Now I’m all done with rhymin’ but you still got your hymen
That’s the loophole Talkin about your poophole
You can keep your maidenhead if you use your ass instead
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18. |
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19. |
Watering Holes
07:47
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This bar is new and so are you, so I'll gladly fill you in
I've had plenty of tabs and poon like Ahab, my fiery dart of sin
I've heard it all, I've done even worse, i drink but I'm never full
Plenty of ales lead to plenty of tales in some dirty watering hole
Harvery Wallbanger caught a case of stankfanger in a room with a red-headed slut.
When it was done, he said “Boys, it was fun”, but I prefer banging studs in their butts.
Harv gets behind any stud he can find. He hammers and pounds for days.
Call out for more, he’ll tongue and groove the back door, double hung and swinging both ways.
Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night
My ex-fuck Tess works in the mess serving drinks but boys always want more.
She says life was far simpler when it was slippery nipples, now my blowjobs are all they ask for.
If not one, then it’s ten, then it’s hundreds of mine lined up in front of the bar
She’ll service each man as fast as she can then they stick their tip in her jar.
Good news from the crew on the Tullamore Dew. A man named Richard now captains their ship.
They call him Whiskey Dick, ‘cause he’s soft, but a prick, yet he maintains a stiff upper lip
When attempting to fill yours, it’s like playing billiards with a length of rope
So the crew has to milk him by way of his rectum
Now they call that a Tullamore Don’t.
Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night
Shirley Temple was hot so I gave her a shot, though in years you could say she was late.
I fucked her Grey Goose but it shook her soul loose. That was our expiration date.
My brass monkey was urgin’ for I hear she was virgin. Spritely, wet, and sweet.
Well I gave her a taste but it wasn’t the case. I found her as stiff as could be.
Did you know the sweat from Dolly’s breasts is said to be called Mountain Dew?
Though I prefer Coke, I still gave them a poke and found that the legend was true.
Her jugs were all sticky and covered in hickies with a tattoo that read “Porter was here”
With a syrupy hand she expressed my swollen gland. Now they call that a soda jerk.
Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night
You know Gar likes Malort when he’s out of port carousing with his favorite whore.
A snifter a day of her rosy bouquet helps to clean up his pours.
And on has no class, that terrible ass, his favorite drink represents him.
Zug Island iced tea, as fresh as can be, garnished with a pube on the rim.
The worst of the bunch is what Rod does for lunch, three olives straight up his ass.
With his south mouth, he wolfs it all down, then takes a shit in the glass.
Now cleaning the head, is a job it is said, and a shittier job you won't find
You can work all day, removing the stains, but you'll never stop getting behind.
Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night
I schanpped at your peach. We had sex on the beach. I drank down all your squirt.
Your ocean spray ran down my face, wet like a child after birth.
I licked your fuzzy navel under the table. Put a screwdriver up in your cunt.
Then I sucked it out neat, like a pup at a teat, as you expelled it with relish and spunk.
Now the clock has stuck 2, the last call has come through, and this watering hole is closed
Chug down some ale as we laugh and regale
While pausing to powder our nose
So drink up me hearties, it’s the end of the party
But the real fun’s about to begin
It’s adios, motherfucker. Bend over and pucker, for we won’t be coming again.
Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night
Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night
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Captains Of The Head Detroit, Michigan
Captains of the Head hail from Detroit. They sing rough songs about rough men, rough seas, and loose women. In the maritime folk tradition, they pay tribute to other x-rated singers such as Salty Dick, Oscar Brand, and John Valby. They are on a voyage to keep the sea shanty tradition alive, leaving no cunt unturned. ... more
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