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A Sail of Two Titties

from A Sail of Two Titties by Captains of the Head

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lyrics

On a dark stormy night
We ploughed the salt sea
Our good ship was rocked
And struck by lightning
The fiery bolt
Destroyed our mainmast
And burned up our sails
Right down to the last

When morning came
All hope had taken flight
Feared we'd be dead
Under a fortnight
Adrift at sea
With no way to catch wind
And now you see
Our story begins

A ship without sails ain't no ship all
When we called out for help, no one heard our call
Til a mermaid named Victoria came a-swimmin’ near
And that big, busty mermaid wore a big old brassiere

The brassiere was giant
As a brassiere could be
Do they have a Lane Bryant
Down under the sea?
She unclasped her band
To reveal her maiden form
With bosoms so grand
I’d forgotten the storm






She pledged her support
And tossed me the bra
Victoria's Secret!
What is it for?
She said “sport up the rig
And hoist it to the sky
At the first gust of wind
You'll surely know why

“It's a Sail of Two titties to carry you ashore
One cup at the aft, one at the fore”
We’d almost lost hope that we’d ever see land
But the Sail of Two titties lifted our hopes again

We worked in the rigging
And it took us all night.
For the left sail was bigger
Than the one on the right
We were glad to toil
And not be cast away
Oh that sea cow had saved us
With her huge bustier

We pushed up the jib
And began to sail on
Then we strapped in the main
To race’er back home
Our spirits’d sagged
So we raised our cups higher
Our cargo was delivered
Just under the wire

The people on shore disbelieved what they saw
An old clipper ship with the sails made of bra
Saved by a mermaid with a bountiful rack
And her Sail of Two titties that carried us back
We’d almost lost hope that we’d ever see land
But the Sail of Two titties lifted our hopes again

credits

from A Sail of Two Titties, released November 6, 2020
Remix by MC Sporting Goods

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Captains Of The Head Detroit, Michigan

Captains of the Head hail from Detroit. They sing rough songs about rough men, rough seas, and loose women. In the maritime folk tradition, they pay tribute to other x-rated singers such as Salty Dick, Oscar Brand, and John Valby. They are on a voyage to keep the sea shanty tradition alive, leaving no cunt unturned. ... more

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