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A Sail of Two Titties II: 2 Fast 2 Funbags

from A Sail of Two Titties by Captains of the Head

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lyrics

We were riding the waves of stardom on high
when it all came crashing down
We’d sailed round the world
By the power of tits
Like rapists of renown

It did haunt us each day
For we could not repay our debt with gold doubloons
We had to return that mermaid’s brassiere
To hold her big jibbooms

As sailors, we all knew wrong from right
We owed her support and we owed her our lives
So we pushed up the sails and set to the west
So we could lift this weight off of our chests

On a dark stormy night, the look-out did spy
The mermaid swimming round
But she didn’t float as good as she should
And we thought that she could drown
She couldn’t go under for very long
Her lungs couldn’t hold much breath
And when she finally beached on shore
We saw her deflated breasts

The captain couldn’t believe what we’d done
Without bra support, her bags lost their fun
This mermaid once had a bountiful rack
But the sail of two titties had rendered it flat


The captain then cried out to the crew
“Is there a doctor on this ship?
That once busty mermaid who’d saved our ass
Now needs us to save her tits.”
I then came forth with an idea so crazy it might work
I’d implant her titties with jellyfish
To make those floppers perk

The surgery it went on through the night
I put one in the left and two on the right
Then I strapped on the bra and hooked it in front
And the sail of two titties had restored her bust

We’d almost lost hope for her mammary glands, but the sail of two titties lifted our hopes again

credits

from A Sail of Two Titties, released November 6, 2020

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Captains Of The Head Detroit, Michigan

Captains of the Head hail from Detroit. They sing rough songs about rough men, rough seas, and loose women. In the maritime folk tradition, they pay tribute to other x-rated singers such as Salty Dick, Oscar Brand, and John Valby. They are on a voyage to keep the sea shanty tradition alive, leaving no cunt unturned. ... more

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