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One Whore in Labrador (feat. Salty Dick)

from New Directions by Captains of the Head

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Written by Larry Caplan, Arranged by Mark Paul & Jerry Bryant

lyrics

The Hudson's Bay Company runs ships in the summertime,
To stock the stores of Labrador
and fill ‘em full for the wintertime,
Our ship set sail from Old Detroit, bound for Newfoundland,
Where I was hoping to get off but I should’ve used my hand


Chorus:
Cuz they’ve got One Whore in Labrador - all you hear is: "Stay away",
For she’s been humped by every chump
from Jack Lane's Way to Broomfield Bay,
She’s got saggy tits, breeding hips, and a fire down below,
You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go.

She has a pussy that won’t lubricate yet the world's wettest asshole,
And when you shove it up her butt, she likes to quote the Bible,
She’s been open wide, reaming through the tide, and she’s launched 1000 cocks,
& if you only fuck her mouth
Ya might not catch the pox.

She’s got whips & chains and fuzzy things
And pills to make you last
But if you mention her peg leg, she’ll peg it right up your ass
Her pussy smells like an old mudflat, after the tide’s gone out
And when it barps out what’s inside, you’ll throw up in your mouth


Cuz they’ve got 1 Whore in Labrador - all you hear is: "Stay away",
For she’s drained the cum of every chum
from Jack Lane's Way to Broomfield Bay,
She’s got wooden teeth, stinky queefs, and a dry dock down below,
You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go.

The tide came in, so I did too, and I went to pay her fee
Saying: "I’m a horny sailing man with the Hudson's Bay Company",
She took out her teeth and did undress
But she kept on her eye patch
She then pulled out a church key and wiped it up her snatch

She said “My boy, hope you don’t mind but have to scrub the deck
For I’ve been fucked a dozen times and it’s only just a half past ten.
See I’m the only whore in town, and my cunt’s full up with goo
Just let me wash a little out…(
and then This Bud’s for you!”

Cuz they’ve got One Whore in Labrador - all you hear is: "Stay away",
For she’s been banged by every gang
from Jack Lane's Way to Broomfield Bay,
She’s got a 3 inch clit, some pussy zits, and a red flag down below,
You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go.
You’ll grow barnacles beneath your keel, so for God's sake don't you go.

credits

from New Directions, released December 26, 2020
Salty Dick - Ukulele, Lead Vocals
Capt. Don River - Banjo
Capt. Gar Density - Accordion
Capt. Rod Chesterhills - Guitar

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Captains Of The Head Detroit, Michigan

Captains of the Head hail from Detroit. They sing rough songs about rough men, rough seas, and loose women. In the maritime folk tradition, they pay tribute to other x-rated singers such as Salty Dick, Oscar Brand, and John Valby. They are on a voyage to keep the sea shanty tradition alive, leaving no cunt unturned. ... more

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