This bar is new and so are you, so I'll gladly fill you in
I've had plenty of tabs and poon like Ahab, my fiery dart of sin
I've heard it all, I've done even worse, i drink but I'm never full
Plenty of ales lead to plenty of tales in some dirty watering hole

Harvery Wallbanger caught a case of stankfanger in a room with a red-headed slut.
When it was done, he said “Boys, it was fun”, but I prefer banging studs in their butts.
Harv gets behind any stud he can find. He hammers and pounds for days.
Call out for more, he’ll tongue and groove the back door, double hung and swinging both ways.

Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night

My ex-fuck Tess works in the mess serving drinks but boys always want more.
She says life was far simpler when it was slippery nipples, now my blowjobs are all they ask for.
If not one, then it’s ten, then it’s hundreds of mine lined up in front of the bar
She’ll service each man as fast as she can then they stick their tip in her jar.

Good news from the crew on the Tullamore Dew. A man named Richard now captains their ship.
They call him Whiskey Dick, ‘cause he’s soft, but a prick, yet he maintains a stiff upper lip
When attempting to fill yours, it’s like playing billiards with a length of rope
So the crew has to milk him by way of his rectum
Now they call that a Tullamore Don’t.

Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night

Shirley Temple was hot so I gave her a shot, though in years you could say she was late.
I fucked her Grey Goose but it shook her soul loose. That was our expiration date.
My brass monkey was urgin’ for I hear she was virgin. Spritely, wet, and sweet.
Well I gave her a taste but it wasn’t the case. I found her as stiff as could be.

Did you know the sweat from Dolly’s breasts is said to be called Mountain Dew?
Though I prefer Coke, I still gave them a poke and found that the legend was true.
Her jugs were all sticky and covered in hickies with a tattoo that read “Porter was here”
With a syrupy hand she expressed my swollen gland. Now they call that a soda jerk.

Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night

You know Gar likes Malort when he’s out of port carousing with his favorite whore.
A snifter a day of her rosy bouquet helps to clean up his pours.
And on has no class, that terrible ass, his favorite drink represents him.
Zug Island iced tea, as fresh as can be, garnished with a pube on the rim.

The worst of the bunch is what Rod does for lunch, three olives straight up his ass.
With his south mouth, he wolfs it all down, then takes a shit in the glass.
Now cleaning the head, is a job it is said, and a shittier job you won't find
You can work all day, removing the stains, but you'll never stop getting behind.

Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night

I schanpped at your peach. We had sex on the beach. I drank down all your squirt.
Your ocean spray ran down my face, wet like a child after birth.
I licked your fuzzy navel under the table. Put a screwdriver up in your cunt.
Then I sucked it out neat, like a pup at a teat, as you expelled it with relish and spunk.

Now the clock has stuck 2, the last call has come through, and this watering hole is closed
Chug down some ale as we laugh and regale
While pausing to powder our nose
So drink up me hearties, it’s the end of the party
But the real fun’s about to begin
It’s adios, motherfucker. Bend over and pucker, for we won’t be coming again.

Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night
Idly,-Idly-eh, we fuck and we drink all the day
Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we fuck all the night