Name: Wide American
Duration: P00H02M45S
Description: Written by Dave Malosh & Mark Paul

Wide American

from New Directions by Captains of the Head

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Written by Dave Malosh & Mark Paul

lyrics

When you’ve searched all over the earth
for a man who has enough girth
I’ll tell you, for what it’s worth,
I’m a wide American
You know I’m not like other guys.
I wanna stick it in between your thighs
And in your moms and your apple pies
I’m a wide American
You won’t believe what you just saw
And it just might break your jaw
When I stick this in your craw
I’m a wide American
I’m not saying my dick ain’t long
But that’s a totally different song
On your knees, you can’t go wrong
With a wide American

Take a sip of an American fifth
Sit on top of some American width

I’ll rearrange your insides
Did I mention my dick is wide?
Pour me out some Astroglide
I’m a wide American
Climb upon my mountain peak
You won’t shit right for a week
Now turn the other cheek
I’m a wide American
When I don’t come home
And you start to feel so alone
Just sit down on a traffic cone
Like a wide American
If you’re going back for round three
And your cunt’s as wide as can be
Aren’t you glad you slept with me?
I'm a wide American

I’m not saying that it won’t hurt
It can’t be worse than giving birth

You wanted it all inside
Then it hurt and then you cried
Well, hey at least you tried
With a wide American

I’m sorry that I made you cry
But don’t blame me, my dick’s just wide...wide...wide...wiiiiiiiiiide

I'm a Wide American (2x)

credits

from New Directions, released December 26, 2020
Capt. Don River - Banjo, Background Vocals
Capt. Gar Density - Accordion, Lead Vocals, Bass, Drums
Capt. Rod Chesterhills - Guitar, Background Vocals
Capt. Blake St. Clair - Nothing, he didn't show up to the studio
Swingers on PornHub - Sex sounds

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Captains Of The Head Detroit, Michigan

Captains of the Head hail from Detroit. They sing rough songs about rough men, rough seas, and loose women. In the maritime folk tradition, they pay tribute to other x-rated singers such as Salty Dick, Oscar Brand, and John Valby. They are on a voyage to keep the sea shanty tradition alive, leaving no cunt unturned. ... more

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